just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pants are for mortals
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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