He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
