6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
