Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
