I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
