we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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