You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
