he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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