do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
