all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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