Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
