i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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