This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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