I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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