My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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