So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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