going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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