The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
