I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
