My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
