hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
