Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just want nice things and good sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
