I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
