im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
