I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
