I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
