A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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