then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
2020 sucks, I want a refund
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
