No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
