when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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