While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
