I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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