No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
