dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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