do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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