Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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