Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
