someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
