Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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