Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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