Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
