I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
