one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
