hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
