Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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