I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I didn't notice because vodka
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
