just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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