Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
