my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Pooping to opera.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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