dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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