I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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