i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just cropdusted the office
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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